I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
