I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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