Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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