she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
