u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
