I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
