I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
