i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
