i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
