I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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