oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
