you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
