My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
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I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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