Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
