THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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