The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I stole a fireplace last night.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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