My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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