I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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