; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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