Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize