sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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