my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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