There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
