maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
