Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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