How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
