we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
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I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
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It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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