all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
