Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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