Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize