Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize