dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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