Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Boobs speak an international language.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
