sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
