Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
