i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
