Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
