We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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