Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
