Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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