You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just had sex on a roof
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
