So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
