And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize