just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
