took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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