How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex