im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just found puke in my bra..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.