Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.