the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.