I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
