im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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