We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
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The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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