Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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