omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
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I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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